The Last Gift

This week I am reliving someone’s death. He was a friend and it’s not easy. My grief is nothing, however, compared to his mother’s. His death was sudden, totally unexpected. No time for final words or good-byes. That’s so hard for those of us left behind.

I remember a few years ago being at a funeral home with a very distraught man. His brother had died suddenly in tragic circumstances. The man came to me in tears saying, "the last words I had with my brother were words of hatred in a heated argument and I never apologized."

These sorts of things happen all the time. Maybe they happened to you. Relationships left ripped apart by death are irreparable in some ways. Yet I believe that we should do our best to repent or forgive, hoping, imagining that the other person would respond appropriately.

What we can do, since we are still alive, is avoid those situations. Henri Nouwen speaks of making our death a blessing, a gift to others. Listen carefully.


"How do we make our deaths gifts for others? Very often people's lives are destroyed, harmed, or permanently wounded by the deaths of their relatives or friends. We have to do whatever we can to avoid this. When we are near death what we say to those who are close to us, whether in spoken or in written words, is very important. When we express gratitude to them, ask forgiveness for our shortcomings and offer forgiveness for theirs, and express our sincere desire that they continue their lives without remorse but remembering the graces of our lives, then our deaths can become true gifts."

Since life is so uncertain, then it is best to be at peace with all, to the best of our ability.