Forgiveness and Freedom

Recently I was talking about forgiveness with a man for whom I have the deepest of respect. By the power of God, he forgave an abusive father and found freedom from bitterness and anger. He said something like this:

"Having bitterness and anger in my heart is like me drinking poison while hoping the other person will die of it. Foolishly, I’m really just killing myself."

Henri Nouwen says,

"As long as we do not forgive those who have wounded us, we carry them with us or, worse, pull them as a heavy load. The great temptation is to cling in anger to our enemies and then define ourselves as being offended and wounded by them. Forgiveness, therefore, liberates not only the other but also ourselves. It is the way to the freedom of the children of God."

How do we find that freedom? A long long time ago, way down in Egypt, Joseph, who had been severely mistreat by his brothers and others, forgave all of them/it. He absorbed a lot of injustice, pain, and loss. He did not seek revenge or retaliation, though I think he was tempted to do so. Ultimately he does not. How? Why?

The key is found in Genesis 50:20, words that show his deep faith in a God who redeems terrible messes, a God who works in injustice, a God who has the ability to bring good out of bad, a God who loves forgiveness. Joseph says,

You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people.

Joseph recognized, by faith, the formative value of suffering through injustice and the way God can use it to accomplish great things. It liberated him. It can do the same for us.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness

That’s a word charged with all kinds of thought and emotions, a word used and misused all the time. We can think about it in all kinds of ways. Henri Nouwen, as usual, gives me something to think about. Let’s think along with Henri:


"How can we forgive those who do not want to be forgiven? Our deepest desire is that the forgiveness we offer will be received. This mutuality between giving and receiving is what creates peace and harmony. But if our condition for giving forgiveness is that it will be received, we seldom will forgive!

Forgiving the other is first and foremost an inner movement. It is an act that removes anger, bitterness, and the desire for revenge from our hearts and helps us to reclaim our human dignity. We cannot force those we want to forgive into accepting our forgiveness. They might not be able or willing do so. They may not even know or feel that they have wounded us. The only people we can really change are ourselves. Forgiving others is first and foremost healing our own hearts."

I think of forgiveness as having to absorb pain, loss, and/or injustice, all with a view of hoping for reconciliation and peace, a relationship restored. That is not always possible. It takes two, and sometimes only one wants it. God knows all about that, doesn’t he? His offer of relationship, based on forgiveness, always awaits. Can we say the same?

Adapting

It was around 12 degrees with a light wind. I went for a run and didn’t think twice about doing it. It has been that kind of winter in Indiana. In a normal winter, I probably would have thought twice before deciding to run and might have sought an alternative activity.

With a several nights below zero, coupled with many days with wind chills well below zero, twelve degrees sounds pretty good. Really. I was thinking about that while I was running and knocking tiny icicles off my eyelashes.

It’s amazing how quickly we adapt and get used to our environment. I lived for a few years, years ago, in a temperate climate. It didn’t take long before the mid 40s were "freezing" cold. We adjust our thinking quickly.

The same thing happens in other areas as well. It’s so easy to allow the culture to change our thinking. Those of us living in the Story of God need to know what it says. Paul reminds Christians living in Rome along time ago (Romans 12:2):

"Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect."

I need to know The Story and stick to it, allowing God to ground my thinking. That requires spending time with it, reading it, thinking about it, living it out.

Computer Trouble

Good morning! I had major computer trouble a couple of weeks ago. As a result, I have not invited you to think with me for a couple of weeks now. I’m not totally back to where I need to be with my computer, but I am almost there.

Isn’t it strange, if not scary, how dependent we are upon electronic devices? I felt a bit lost a couple of weeks ago, but after a few days, I was beginning to enjoy some of the freedom. Slowly I am resuming the old patterns of dependency. I am not sure what to think about it, not sure there is another way.

Related: I am becoming more aware of how electronic devices are a new form of rudeness. I don’t think it’s intentional and it’s not rudeness that takes the form of mean words, harsh tones, or aggressive gestures. It’s a rudeness of not being fully present with another person. I am guilty.

We keep our heads down and our eyes fixed on a small screen, doing what we do. Maybe the person with you is doing the same thing. Just look around in a restaurant. Are we slowly losing the ability and desire to be fully present with one another? We are so distracted. And it’s self-centered, right?

Worse than ignoring one another, even when physically present, is ignoring God with all our distractions. He gently reminds us, "Be still and know I am God." I need to turn my stuff off when I am with you, and I need to turn it off on a regular basis to be with God. Lord, help me.

Computer Trouble

I had major computer trouble a couple of weeks ago. As a result, I have not invited you to think with me for a couple of weeks now. I’m not totally back to where I need to be with my computer, but I am almost there.

Isn’t it strange, if not scary, how dependent we are upon electronic devices? I felt a bit lost a couple of weeks ago, but after a few days, I was beginning to enjoy some of the freedom. Slowly I am resuming the old patterns of dependency. I am not sure what to think about it, not sure there is another way.

Related: I am becoming more aware of how electronic devices are a new form of rudeness. I don’t think it’s intentional and it’s not rudeness that takes the form of mean words, harsh tones, or aggressive gestures. It’s a rudeness of not being fully present with another person. I am guilty.

We keep our heads down and our eyes fixed on a small screen, doing what we do. Maybe the person with you is doing the same thing. Just look around in a restaurant. Are we slowly losing the ability and desire to be fully present with one another? We are so distracted. And it’s self-centered, right?

Worse than ignoring one another, even when physically present, is ignoring God with all our distractions. He gently reminds us, "Be still and know I am God." I need to turn my stuff off when I am with you, and I need to turn it off on a regular basis to be with God. Lord, help me.

Misreading Signs

A state trooper pulled over a car going just 19 miles per hour on the highway. As the officer approached the car, he noticed it was two elderly women and they both looked very pale and wide-eyed.

"Good afternoon ladies. Do you know why I am pulling you over?" asked the trooper.

"I'm terribly sorry if I did something wrong but I know I was not speeding" said the driver.

"Well, that is true, you weren't speeding . . . but you were going entirely too slow on a highway and that is equally as dangerous."

"No, Officer. I was going exactly the speed limit . . . 19 miles per hour!"

The trooper laughed a little to himself. "Ma’am, this is Highway 19. That is not the speed limit, but simply the name of this highway."

Very embarrassed, the elderly driver grinned and thanked the trooper over and over for informing her of the mistake.

"But before I let you go, I have to ask . . . are you ladies feeling okay? You both look awfully shaken."

"Oh sure, we will be fine. We just got off of Highway 120."

* * *

There’s a lesson in there somewhere about misreading signs. I’ll let you take come up with it. That’s your homework for the weekend, and I hope you have a great weekend! Go to church for Heaven’s sake.

Living and Learning

I’m sure you’ve seen the following. From what I can gather it originates from a woman named Dorothy Law Nolte. There have been various modifications made to it, but the message is still the same.


If a child lives with criticism, she learns to condemn.

If a child lives with hostility he learns to fight.

If a child lives with ridicule she learns to be shy.

If a child lives with shame he learns to be guilty.

If a child lives with tolerance she learns to be patient.

If a child lives with encouragement he learns confidence.

If a child lives with praise she learns to appreciate.

If a child lives with fairness he learns justice.

If a child lives with security she learns to have faith.

If a child lives with approval he learns to like herself.

If a child lives with acceptance and friendship

she learns to find love in the world.

Clearly, all of this works in the adult work also. What do those living around me experience? That’s worth thinking about.

Burn the Bible?

Many years ago a preacher shocked me during a sermon. He had an old Bible in hand, and the next thing I knew, he literally was ripping pages out of it! Everyone watching was surprised, if not shocked, by his actions, knowing the preacher deeply respected God and his word.

It reminds me of this scene out of Jeremiah 36, where the king burns, piece by piece, a scroll containing God’s word.

The king was sitting in his winter quarters in front of a charcoal fire. After Jehudi would read three or four columns, the king would cut them off the scroll with his pocketknife and throw them in the fire. He continued in this way until the entire scroll had been burned up in the fire.

My preacher friend was making a point by ripping pages out of the Bible. He said, "While we would never rip pages out of the Bible, when we choose to ignore what is says, then we might as well go ahead." He went on to say we often pick and choose the parts we want to follow and then ignore the rest, in essence, ripping them out.

Give credit to the king, he certainly did not hide his disdain and defiance! We are a little more secretive and subtle perhaps?

I’m not sure what you think about all that. I’m not sure I know myself, but I am aware of the need to take seriously what God says. All of it. Not just the parts I like and find easy to follow. I wonder what I am ripping or cutting out and burning?

Move On

I’m working through the Joseph story, found in Genesis 37-50. It’s quite a story, a compelling read! You would be blessed if you took the time to read it. Go ahead.

You will find Joseph, a not very likable 17-year-old, changing into a very powerful yet humble man. He forgives all kinds of people of all kinds of things along the way. He doesn’t seem to consider himself a victim, which would have been an easy thing to do.

I found this by Henri Nouwen. It describes what Joseph did and maybe what you need to do:


Sometimes we have to "step over" our anger, our jealousy, or our feelings of rejection and move on. The temptation is to get stuck in our negative emotions, poking around in them as if we belong there. Then we become the "offended one," "the forgotten one," or the "discarded one." Yes, we can get attached to these negative identities and even take morbid pleasure in them. It might be good to have a look at these dark feelings and explore where they come from, but there comes a moment to step over them, leave them behind and travel on.

Joseph was able to step over stuff and move on, mostly, it seems to me, because he had an awareness of God’s redemptive ability to change bad stuff into good. As he forgives his brothers, he says this:

You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. – Genesis 50:20

I believe that too, and it has helped me get through lots of stuff in life. God is good and faithful.

Step over and travel on!

Loving Again

As many of you know, we became grandparents for the first time last week. Our oldest son and his lovely wife had a little girl, Cora Jane. I know I am very biased, but I think she is absolutely beautiful!

All of kinds of thoughts and emotions are running through my head and my heart. Trying to harness or harvest them has been difficult so far. I know, consistent with the comments of many, I have entered into a new phase of life some call the "best" and the "happiest."

The birth of a child is simply amazing, and the love that surrounds the birth is hard to describe. I think the feeling that has risen to the top, amongst all of the others, is the feeling of being blessed, specifically blessed by God with a loving family.

We tried to embrace God’s love, seen in Jesus, as we raised our four children. We failed a lot, but God is good and full of grace. He blessed us over and over again, based more on who he is and less on what we did. Additionally, we have had a wonderful "village," comprising church, friends, and extended family, who have helped raise and bless our children. Now it begins again.

Having a chance to love a baby again, at an older age and at a different time in life, is probably the essence of that "best" and "happiest" thing. Wisdom that comes from age and experience can be brought to the new relationship with a new life. My desire, more than ever, is to love as God loves.

To say I am thankful is very inadequate, but I know God listens to my heart more than my words. He understands my love for a new child more than I do, because he feels that way about all of us.

Bridge Builder

Once upon a time two brothers, who lived on adjoining farms, fell into conflict. They had worked together for years, but now they hated each other. It began with a small misunderstanding but quickly escalated to a war of words, then actions.

One day a stranger, looking for work showed up at the older brother’s home. "I’m trying to provide for my family and I can do any kind of carpentry work." The older brother was pleased to employ him.

"I do have a job for you. Look across the creek at that farm. That’s my neighbor. In fact, it’s my younger brother. Last week, there was a meadow between us, but he took his bulldozer to the river levee, and now there is a creek between us. He did this to spite me, but I’ll show him! I have pile of lumber by the barn. I want you to build me a fence so I don’t have to see him anymore."

The carpenter agreed to get busy. The older brother had to run several errands in a town faraway and would be gone overnight. The long summer day gave the carpenter many hours to work, and he worked into the darkness. He got up early the next morning and finished his task.

The older brother returned and was shocked by what he saw. There was no fence. Instead the carpenter had constructed a nice, solid bridge that spanned the spiteful creek. As the older brother looked at the bridge, he was surprised to see his younger brother approaching from the other side.

Before the older brother could say a word, the younger brother said, "After all I have said and done to you, I’m surprised you built this bridge. I’m sorry for what I did. Let’s work toward working together again." The older brother embraced his younger brother in the middle of the bridge and agreed to rebuilding their relationship.

The carpenter, packing up his tools, watched the reconciliation with a smile. The older brother said to him, "Don’t leave! I have many other projects for you around the farm."

"I’d love to stay on," he said, "but I have many more bridges to build."

In Matthew 5:9, Jesus says, "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God."

Let’s all strive to build a bridge and make some peace this week.

Golf in Heaven

Two 70-year-old men had been friends all of their lives. When it was clear that Frank was dying, Joe visited him every day. One day Joe said, "Frank, we both loved playing golf all our lives. Please do me one favor, when you get to heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's golf there."

Frank looked up at Joe from his deathbed and said, "Joe, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you." Shortly after that, Frank died.

A few weeks later, Joe was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Joe, Joe ."

"Who is it," asked Joe, sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"

"Joe, it's me, Frank."

"You're not Frank. Frank just died."

"I'm telling you, it's me, Frank," insisted the voice.

"Frank, Where are you?"

"In heaven," replied Frank. "I have some really good news and a little bad news."

"Tell me the good news first," said Joe.

"The good news," Frank said with joy and enthusiasm, "is there is golf in heaven. Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before me are here too. Even better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always Summertime and it never rains. And best of all, we can play golf all we want, and we never get tired. And we get to play with all the Greats of the past."

"That's fantastic," said Joe "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?"

"You're in my foursome this Saturday."

* * *

I guess my question is this: is that really bad news?

Lady Wisdom

Lady Wisdom goes to town, stands in a prominent place,

and invites everyone within sound of her voice:

 

"Are you confused about life, don’t know what’s going on?
Come with me, oh come, have dinner with me!

I’ve prepared a wonderful spread—fresh-baked bread,

roast lamb, carefully selected wines.

Leave your impoverished confusion and live!

Walk up the street to a life with meaning."

 

If you reason with an arrogant cynic, you’ll get slapped in the face;

confront bad behavior and get a kick in the shins.

So don’t waste your time on a scoffer;

all you’ll get for your pains is abuse.

But if you correct those who care about life,

that’s different—they’ll love you for it!

Save your breath for the wise—they’ll be wiser for it;

tell good people what you know—they’ll profit from it.

 

Skilled living gets its start in the Fear-of-God,
insight into life from knowing a Holy God.

It’s through me, Lady Wisdom, that your life deepens,

and the years of your life ripen.

 

Live wisely and wisdom will permeate your life;

mock life and life will mock you.

Proverbs 9:3-12 The Message

Selective Amnesia

I was struck by the idea the first time the commentator said it. Talking about Andrew Luck having a disastrous first half of football against the Chiefs but then turning it all around, leading one of the most amazing comebacks in memory, the commentator said, "He has amnesia!"

Luck, like all great quarterbacks, has "selective amnesia," meaning he has the ability to quickly forget about bad passes, interceptions, and fumbles and move onto the next opportunity. Luck, and others, would be quick to tell you they go back and learn from those mistakes later and then dismiss them again.

Selective Amnesia.

God has selective amnesia! He chooses to forget some things about you and me, if we are in a relationship with Jesus. The writer of Hebrews spends a lot of time talking about Jesus, his blood, and its cleansing ability. In the midst of all that, the writer calls the readers to remember that God forgets (8:12).

I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.
God has amnesia and we need it too. We stumble, sin, make messes and mistakes. As much as possible, we need to learn from them, fix what we can, and then move on. Paul remembered to forget (Philippians 3:13,14):

. . .One thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Please don’t allow your past, if forgotten by God, to keep you from enjoying the present and anticipating the future.

Thought Control

You can and should control your thinking.

Philippians 4:8-9 — Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.

New Year of Love

It’s a little late, but it still applies: Happy New Year!

Did you make any resolutions? Have you already broken some of them? Oh well . . . I have some goals, like usual. The biggest, and it’s probably not measurable, is to allow the Spirit of God to continue his work of conforming me into the image of Jesus (2 Corinthians 3:18).

Here is a helpful thought from a Kentucky Monk who lived and died a while ago. He really gets at the heart of transformation and heart of changing the world.

So instead of loving what you think is peace, love others and love God above all. And instead of hating the people you think are warmakers, hate the appetites and the disorder in your own soul, which are the causes of war. If you love peace, then hate injustice, hate tyranny, hate greed—but hate these things in yourself, not in another.

– Thomas Merton in New Seeds of Contemplation

　

That’s worth thinking about all year long! My prayer is for 2014 to be an amazing year of living in, and living out, God’s love.